Mind-full – Embracing mindfulness in daily life

Mindfulness on a daily basis – what we believe about ourselves is not necessarily the only truth

In the last 15-16 years, as I have tried to help those brave enough to open up about their challenges, I have noticed that many people, when talking about their issues or traumas, frequently go off course and portray themselves in a demeaning way. Some use self-deprecating humor, others straight up tell me how worthless they are, and so on… While, I also had some of those mean words circling inside my head, I never really understood where all these thoughts were coming from, and, of course, I didn’t think much
of it back then. I’d say I was on autopilot during those times. But as I learned more about mindfulness, I realized that just because a thought crosses your mind, it doesn’t make it true. I’m not going to say that I wish I had known back then what I know now, because I see the beauty in my journey, but I do wish that people would understand that just because a thought crosses your mind, it doesn’t mean that it’s your own thought nor that it is true; therefore, you shouldn’t take it too seriously and beat yourself up because of it.

Rather, you should step back and question it. (You can start to practice this by monitoring your thoughts. It’s all right if you’re slow at first and can’t identify the negative self-talk right away. The smallest progress is still better than no progress at all.) If you have time to beat yourself up and drag your spirit down, you might as well use that time for some self-questioning.

Observe and self-questioning – the first and most important minfulness technique

You can try out some of the following questions, or better yet… do them all. Take a few deep breaths…

Close your eyes and focus on your breath. As thoughts arise, simply notice them without judgment. Imagine you’re an observer watching your thoughts pass by like clouds in the sky. After identifying the harmful thought try to pick it apart:

Where does this fragment of thought come from? / Is this your original thought?

Are you sure? Or did someone say something to you, and now it’s an auto-running program inside your head? Try to identify the source, the circumstances as best you can. Try to recall when you first started having this thought. Was there a specific event, conversation, or experience that triggered it? Often, negative thoughts are echoes of past experiences or things others have said to us.

When did I hear those things for the first time?

It’s very likely that you’ve had these thoughts for years; they’re deeply rooted in your subconscious by now.

Why do I keep holding onto those thoughts?

Ask yourself, “Does this thought serve a positive purpose in my life? Does it motivate me, protect me, or help me grow?”

Challenge the thought by asking, “Is this thought based on reality, or is it a distortion of the truth? What evidence do I have that supports or contradicts this thought?” Think about the long-term effect of holding onto this thought. Is it helping you become the person you want to be, or is it keeping you stuck in a negative cycle?

After the session, write down the thoughts that stood out to you. Were there any recurring themes or patterns? Did any thoughts seem particularly negative or critical?

For example, the thought “I am unlovable” might stem from several heartbreaks, one-sided loves, and failed attempts at being in a relationship. You see, when you ask your brain a question like, “Why am I always single?” it tries to provide a short and simple answer to protect you from further heartbreak. It’s easy to understand; your brain can’t write an essay detailing what went wrong every time, so it simply grabs a label and comes up with a quick answer.

But… is your mind truly capable of seeing into your future, or does it make assumptions based on your past patterns?

Does this really serve me?

In this case, closing yourself off and staying single won’t do you any good. You might feel like it’s safe, but it’s actually a false sense of safety. You are not safe from sadness, and especially not from the feeling of lack!

It’s time to compare which is less painful: staying in the safe zone or stepping out and risking another attempt that might fail.

Have you learned anything from the previous attempts? Did you walk away with a piece of clarity?

In my opinion, you can’t truly classify something as a “failure” as long as you gained something from it, and we gain experience and knowledge by default.

If you’ve come this far to identify the fake inner voice, also known as negative thoughts, and their root cause, now you can work on them and transform the negatives into something beneficial.

Use a journal for this practice.

Releasing or rewriting a negative thought

Thought Reframing: Start by acknowledging the thought without judgment. Say to yourself, “I see this thought, and I recognize that it’s there.”

Use questions like, “Is this thought absolutely true?” and “What’s a more balanced or realistic way to view this situation?”

Replace the negative thought with a positive, empowering statements. For example, if the thought is, “I’m not good enough,” you might rewrite it as, “I am capable, and I’m always learning and improving.” This needs to be a process though, through thought neutralization.

Neutralize the thought

Neutralizing negative thoughts is an effective practice that helps bridge the gap between old, harmful thought patterns and new, positive ones. Instead of jumping directly from negative to positive (which can feel inauthentic or forced), you first bring the negative thought to a neutral place. This makes the transition to positive thinking more believable and sustainable.

Instead of forcing a positive thought, reframe the negative one into a neutral statement. This involves softening the language and removing any extreme or absolute terms. For example:

• Negative: “I’m a failure.”
• Neutral: “I’m having a tough time with this task right now.”
• Negative: “I’ll never succeed.”
• Neutral: “I’m working on improving my skills.”

Focus on describing the situation in factual, non-emotional terms. The goal is to state the reality of the situation without adding negative judgment.

Find the Middle Ground: Now that you’ve neutralized the thought, introduce a balanced perspective. This isn’t about extreme positivity but finding a realistic middle ground. For example:

• Neutral: “I’m having a tough time with this task right now.”
• Balanced: “I’m learning and improving, and it’s okay to struggle as I grow.”

Recognize that while challenges exist, so do your efforts and abilities. This balanced view helps to create a bridge from the negative to a more positive mindset.

Positive Reframing: Once you’ve neutralized and balanced the thought, begin to introduce more positive, affirming statements. Build on the neutral or balanced statement by adding positivity that feels authentic. For example:

• Balanced: “I’m learning and improving, and it’s okay to struggle as I grow.”
• Positive: “I’m capable of learning and overcoming challenges, and each step brings me closer to success.”

Start incorporating affirmations that align with your new, more positive thought. Repeat these affirmations regularly to reinforce the new mindset. Spend a few moments visualizing yourself succeeding or feeling positive in the situation. Imagine how it would feel to fully embrace the new, positive thought.

Write down your experiences with this practice. Note how you felt before and after neutralizing the thought, and observe any changes in your mindset over time!

A quick summary of the technique: Let’s say you have the negative thought, “I’m unlovable” or “I’ll never find a partner.”

Acknowledge: “I notice that I’m thinking I’m unlovable.”

• Shift to Neutral: “I find it challenging to see my worth in romantic relationships.”
• Accept: “It’s okay that I’m struggling with feelings of unworthiness right now.”
• Balanced Thought: “I am a person with unique qualities, and I can build meaningful connections with others.”
• Positive Reframing: “With time and self-reflection, I am becoming more open to love and connection.”
• Reinforce: Visualize yourself in a loving relationship, and repeat the affirmation, “I am worthy of love and capable of building healthy relationships.”

Follow these steps, and hopefully, you can effectively neutralize negative thoughts and create a smooth, believable transition to more positive and empowering ones.

I hope you find this guide helpful!

Ps: With the holiday season nearing, it’s crucial to turn our focus inward and check on our mental and emotional state. In the midst of the season’s hustle and bustle, we can easily forget the significance of self-care, so this is my way to remind you, to take care of yourself first!

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